Another Aspect of Grief That I Didn’t Know Until Now

By Barbara Karnes

Being in a relationship is about sharing and compromise. It is “let US do this, what do YOU think?” When a person is alone, not in a relationship, they can do what they want; there is no sharing or compromise.

I hadn’t thought of that before because I didn’t have to. Now that I am only responsible for myself, I only have to figure out “what do I want?” The interesting thing for me is I’m not used to knowing or doing exactly what I want even though I thought I was.

This is another aspect of grief I didn’t know until now that I am living it. Who am I if I am only one? What have I wanted to do but haven’t?  How do I fill my days by myself? 

Yes, there are family and friends, but not 24/7. There are empty spaces that only I can fill. This new turn now requires different thoughts, directions, and new habits.

What do I want to do when no-one is looking? Dance like no one can see me. I can do that now. I can eat what I like. I can decide what I want to eat without taking another into consideration. Should I eat at 4:00 instead of 6:00? I can do that now. Do I want to watch Love It or List It or get in bed at 7 and read until 11 and then stay in bed until 10 am? I can do either without thinking of another if I want to.

Am I going to do all those things? I don’t know. I do know I’m going to be more aware of myself. Yes, it’s sad there isn’t an US anymore but I am thinking there is a new ME in here somewhere.

What is the story about the optimist and the pessimist ? The pessimist just sees a barn full of manure whereas the optimist thinks there must be a pony in there somewhere - something like that. I think that is where this grief journey is taking me. I miss Jack. I get lonely sometimes, but I am finding a new aspect of myself.

Again, I am sharing my experience because though I know a lot about end of life, I did not know much about grieving. I’m not sure anyone can understand the nuances of grief without experiencing it.

I am sharing this more emotional aspect of grieving so you who wear the same shoes as I am now will see what the new normal looks like and realize you are not the only one.

Something More… about Another Aspect of Grief That I Didn’t Know Until Now 

Almost a year ago now I discovered a terrific company called HelpTexts. Those who are grieving recieve support from experts in the grief field straight to their phones. I have given subscriptions to friends who report back that the texts have been incredibly helpful. I have a discount code if you would like to gift a year of grief support to someone you know- HELPTEXTS